Judging the Stars
by MissAntelope
Summary: Without his grace, human Castiel joins the brothers on a last minute hunt that leads to truths coming out when things go wrong. T to be safe, major character death, Destiel, abusive!John etc.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello! I hope this goes well. It sounds so good in my head, but who knows. Maybe it will be shit : )**

**Background Info: Cas has no angel grace and is going to join the brothers on a hunt, I don't really know when it is set season wise, so let's roll.**

**Summary: The almost truth comes during a trap, but Castiel needs to know the truth.**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters etc. etc. Also, I have never been to some of the places mentioned in here, so please cut me some slack? Awesome! FYI, I will probably be switching POV in chapters, something I hardly ever do, but I will do my best to keep it to one POV per chapter. Thanks!**

Dean's POV:

When his knuckles rapped on the windshield, I jumped so high I shook the car. It was 10p.m. and Sam and I were getting some sleep in the parking lot of the graveyard.

Instinctively, my brother and I reached for the nearest weapon. The outline emerged slightly from the shadows and was basked in like from the sunrise. Cas bent in half to peer through the window.

"Shit, Cas, where have you been?" To be honest, he has been on my mind a lot lately and it was a relief to see he was alive. I kicked open the door and stood out in the cold.

He looked decent, even if they haven't heard from him since he lost his grace. He still had his trench coat, stains dotting it here and there, and his backwards tie, hung loosely on his neck.

"I've been many places. Word gets around and I heard you were coming here. So I thought I could see you." He shrugged and looked at the sky, as if he were judging the stars.

"Of course." Sam said, leaning over in the passenger seat. "We could always use another man on the job." I nodded and motioned for Cas to get in the back seat. He did and slammed the car door shut.

"What are you doing in this remote town?" He piped up from the back seat. We filled Cas in on the job in this town. Strange reports of stolen corpses from freshly made graves. The last five victims didn't have anything in common. Sam and I decided it was a ghoul, and if it wasn't, we would handle it like we always do.

"We are staying out to see if we can catch the ghoul in the act." I said, and ducked my head to look over the stillness of the night.

Grave stones popped out of the ground like daisies and like the scene of a horror movie, fog drifted quickly with the chilling breeze. The smell of graveyards were never my favorite, but this one had an extra chill to it.

"You are fighting a ghoul?" The ex angel sat up in the back so quick the impala shook. I looked at him through the rearview mirror. His blue eyes were bright and confused. "This is no ghoul…"

"How do you know? You don't have any angel mojo." I spat. He recoiled in hurt a bit. Shame swept over his face. I opened my mouth to apologize, but Sam butted in.

"But we talked to the cops and the victim's families. It all points to ghouls."

"And when has anything been exactly what it turns out to be?" Cas said, his head tilted almost scornfully. Sam looked at me and shrugged. "I'm just saying that something doesn't feel right."

I took a deep breath and let it warm my body, to the tips of my fingers. "Well, I'm going to gank this son of a bitch. Anybody in?" Sam pushed his long legs out of the car and all of us unlocked the trunk of the impala, and grabbed weapons.

Cas grabbed a demon blade despite Sam saying it was definitely not a demon. I grabbed my favorite pistol and Sam gripped onto a rifle with blade stuffed in the inside of his jacket.

The impala's trunk echoed throughout the silence of the deserted highway behind us and the twisting trees of the graveyard.

"Something still doesn't feel right." Cas said from behind me as we took the first step into the dew covered field.

"Let's split up. Cover more ground that way." Sam suggested.

"Sure." I nodded and cocked the pistol. "Cas you cover Sam." He took a step towards me.

"But Dean-" Cas looked at me. His eyebrows knitted together. I couldn't peg what was in his eyes. Something vulnerable, human, just like me.

"Go. We will meet on the other side by the tombstone with the angel." I straightened my shoulders and nodded, pushing the knot in my throat down.

Cas's POV:

"Come on, Cas. Scout ou this area, I'll be over here." Sam motioned. I looked over my back to see the last of Dean's legs disappear into a valley of fog. I nodded and held the knife in my hand, stepping carefully in the grass.

I accidentally stepped on a grave, and the headstone bumped against the back of my knees. I whispered sorry. I looked at Sam, a yard or two away from me. He waved me forward and I met him behind a tall tree.

"Did you see anything?" I asked and he shook his head, hair following each finite movement. Suddenly, a tingling sensation crept up my spine and fizzle on my neck. The air got colder and the indefinite smell of sulfur started wafting in the fog.

"Sam, we need to get Dean. It's a trap-" I snapped my head around the tree when I heard the slightest sound. A snap of a branch.

"What is it, Cas?" Sam loaded his rifle with a few bullets.

"Something's out there…" I warned. Sam stepped out from behind the tree trunk and held the weapon close to his chest, scanning the area for any movement. A dark figure moved in the shadows, but stopped right before the moonlight.

"Hands up or I shoot." Sam's breath came out in puffs and he switched off the safety. I looked around the tree and the person advanced.

The barrel of Sam's rifle smoked as the gunshot rang out as if it were a firework display I was standing to close to. My ears rang, but I could over hear laughter, evil and slow. Emerging from the shadows, the person stepped forward, basking himself in the moonlight.

Dean's bloody face looked up at us. A gaping bloody hole blasted though his side where Sam shot him. His shoulder was ripped to shreds, where his anti-demonic tattoo was. His jacket hung loosely on his shoulders and the rank smell of stale blood and sulfur made me stumble back an inch.

"It feels good to wear a Winchester." Dean's eyes flooded with black.

**A/N: Okay. Well that was fun :D**

**If I get positive feedback on this story I would be delighted. It took me a week to write because I have school, a new job, and lots of other things to study for. So I will do my best to update soon, but I don't know how well I will do. Anyways. Happy Easter!**

**Love you, if you are reading this!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Alright, so even if no one read that last chapter, I thought it was really good and it was only going to get better. At least I think so. Have a good day and enjoy the reading!**

Cas's POV:

Sam straightened up and lowered the gun. His face was blank as he exhaled. "Get out of my brother." The demon flicked his eyes towards us but I couldn't tell where who exactly he was looking to.

He straightened Dean's jacket and laughed as he dusted off his shoulders. The demon threw his head back, knees bent and cackled to the stars. "Let me see… No." He narrowed his eyes and flicked his index fingers. The breath caught in my throat as I slammed back into the nearest tree. I slumped back, stars dancing behind my eyelids.

The demon's force was strong, pressing my bones, farther and farther into the rough bark that scraped against my neck.

"You son of a _bitch_." Sam hissed through his teeth. He struggled by the tree next to me, breathing rapidly.

"Sorry." The demon shrugged. "Looks like I got the jump on Dean." The sarcasm in his voice was thick like mud. "If only someone were there to watch his back." He pouted, shrugged and started picking under his nails.

Then he clapped his hands, rubbing the blood stains together. "So." His shoulders seemed to do the conga line as he stepped towards us. "Does anybody want to share anything while we waiting for me to kill you all?" He cocked his head and bent down next to me.

Dean's breath graced my cheek as he leaned in close. I squinted and tried to turn my head. The demon was close enough to touch me with Dean's nose.

"Come on, now, does this make it better?" His pupils shrunk down to normal size and his sea green eyes prevailed. They didn't have the same charm in them. He stared into my soul for a bit to long before sighing. "Fine, I guess I can share a few things."

Black swirled in his eyes again. "So, since I am the only one who has been in Dean's head, I think since I kind of ripped up this vessel," He leaned back on his haunches and motioned to the bullet hole and Dean's shredded shoulder. Sam winced and I tried again to break free from our invisible bondage. "Might as well have fun while I am here."

"What do you mean?" I asked grimly.

"Oh, Castiel. Do you know how many things are running through Dean's head?" He nodded solemnly. "He looks at you and his chest… _flutters._" The demon used his hands to exaggerate his emotions. "It's _disgusting…_ Dean's fighting in here, he's a strong one." When he said Dean's name, his head snapped to the side, almost like having a nervous twitch.

"Dean! I know you're in there!" Sam screamed out, but the Dean's strong hand back lashed against his chin.

"_God!_ Shut up! You will get your turn." The demon said. Sam stretched his jaw as the blue bruise started turning colors already.

"So, what I'm trying to say, Castiel, is that he _loves you_." At that time, it felt like the world was crashing on the flattened grass around me. But a little bubble around me kept me safe from the weight from the Earth. Demon's lie, but something in his disgusting black eyes told me that he wasn't lying "Oh, he doesn't' like that I said that." The demon pulled back, and seemed to look inside himself, probably at Dean, fighting.

"What?" Sam quirked his head for a second at the demon, then me. I could only stare back. My hands fell to the sides of my legs as I gave up resisting the force pushing my shoulder blades into the bark.

"It's no secret, Sammy." The demon said. Sam shifted uncomfortably. "What is more interesting, is the silence from the angel." The demon closed in closer to me. I could feel Dean's breath on my shoulder as he hunched down next to me. "Oh…" He exclaimed, then whispered in my ear, still loud enough for Sam to hear. "The feeling is mutual."

"Cas?" Sam questioned me, but all I could do was look at the moonlight and wish I was up there.

"So, now for the broken little brother." The demon pouted his lips and walked over to Sam's side. "Dean has always wanted to say that you are a burden. Sammy. When you guzzled demon blood like a fish in water, who cleaned up your mess? When you started the apocolypse, who stayed with you?" He nodded his head as if he knew exactly what he was talking.

"Dean…" Sam breathed, as if it was a warning.

"When you did something Dad didn't approve of, who covered your ass?" The demon held out a finger. "I'll give you one better. Who did Daddy take it out on? Dean wasn't the trouble child, it was you. But how many scars does he have, that aren't from monsters… But did Dad ever lay a hand on you?" The demon straightened Dean's jacket and stood up, as if he had hit every intended point.

Sam lowered his head, speechless. Hair fell into his eyes but he didn't make any move to fix it. "That's not true" He whispered.

"Oh but it is, see, I'm in his head and you aren't."

The demon, not Dean, not Dean, not Dean, kicked Sam hard in the stomach. He clenched his teeth but kept his eyes shut tight. "He did _everything. _Fixed _everything. _Sacrificed _everything_ for his dear little brother! But how is he repaid? Left with his abusive father, while the most important person rejects him for a life that he dreams for too." The demon sighed and turned around. "That's not even something a demon would have the guts to do." He said, shaking his head disapprovingly. "He never felt like a part of a family, and he still doesn't."

"Shut up!" The words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them. The demon glared menacingly at me.

"Excu-" Before he could finish, his body went rigid in shock and the echo of a bullet sounded throughout the leaves in the trees. The demon turned around and looked at where the bullet came from.

"You've just been Garthed." A tiny man with a large nose said.

**A/N: Alright well, I think that went… Well. Alright. Have a good one!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Alright, I thought I would try and write some more here. Have a good one! Sorry for not updating like I usually do. I know this only has like one review, but whatever. Night!**

Cas's POV:

The little man wasn't as scared as he should be.

"Garth?" Sam stared blankly. Then suddenly a weight lifted off my shoulders. Literally. Sam gave me a funny look before getting to his feet. The demon took a second look at his chest, where the bullet hole sliced through.

"I was in the area…" Garth said. He looked very similar to Dean, same clothes and stance, but he was so scrawny. "Devils trap bullet. This son of a bitch is stuck." Garth put the gun away and almost immediately, Sam started reciting an incantation.

The demon rolled his eyes. "You really think it's going to work?" Sam kept going and Garth and I grabbed Dean's arms, holding the Demon in place for as long as we could.

Just a few more lines, I could tell before this demon smoked out. The demon shrugged and whispered into my ear. "Dean's already dead, and you know it." The demon looked at the bullet hole in Deans chest and I realized what was about to happen. "One Winchester down…" He looked at the stars and smiled, before a wall of smoke rose up into the atmosphere.

"Dean!" Sam screamed. The man in my arms looked at his brother, then me, then his chest, before collapsing.

His knees buckled and I went down with him. I folded my knees, and Dean's back slid down my body until his head was rolling in his lap.

"Dean?" Sam pressed his hand on his chest, crimson flowed between his fingertips. I screamed his name, my heart trembling. His green eyes flickered open and he weakly looked up at us. Dean opened his mouth to say something, but he choked on blood that got caught in his throat and it spilt out of the creases of his mouth before he continued.

"Save your energy, don't talk." Garth warned.

"Did you really have to shoot me?" Dean asked.

"My bad." Garth said and smiled at Dean.

"Dean can you move?" I asked him, examining his wounds. Dean craned his neck to meet my eyes. He weakly shook his head. The extent of his injuries were to… Damnit Dean.

"It's no use… I'm pretty much dead anyways." Sam started to protest but Dean gave him a look of warning. "None of it's true, you know Sam." Dean blinked back tears. "You have never been a burden. You have always been my brother."

"So Dad never hit you?" Sam asked. His older brother looked harder into his eyes, but made no attempt to reply. Sam's hand almost fell from it's place on Dean's chest, to distracted.

"Just when you weren't looking." Dean finally mentioned, and cringed in pain. His eyes closed and I shook his shoulders.

"Don't check out on me." Sam said, and placed his hand again, but he couldn't stop mumbling 'I'm sorry'.

"Dean!" He opened his eyes, but they were dazed and out of focus.

"Cas…" He mumbled, lips now stained red.

"So, it wasn't all true?" I tried asking. He frowned sadly and trembled his jaw. A moment of pain flashed across his face and he looked desperately into my eyes.

"I… Cas-" Dean's face went rigid and then his eyes lowered.

"Dean?" Sam cried and cupped Dean's cheek in his palm. I knew it was over when I bent down closer to his face and felt the last puff of breath brush against my chin.

Garth reached his hand across my lap to gingerly pull his eyelids shut.

It was at that moment that I knew I would never see green eyes such like those I saw a minute ago. Dean was gone, and this wasn't a 'make a deal gone', it's over. It's all over.

"I'm so sorry." Garth tried to say, and Sam leaned over Dean's body, cooling in the moonlight. His tears spilt on my hands, still grasping on Dean's collar. Then, mine fell over the brims of my cheeks and I wiped them away, blood streaking underneath my cheekbone.

Sam yelled at the stars above, still gripping onto Dean's wrist.

I stared down at Dean's face and didn't realize what I was doing until Sam jabbed my in the side, embracing me in a hug. I took a deep breath, and relaxed into his arms, allowing my voice to come down. I probably shattered the Impala's windows and any nearby houses with the deafening tone of Angel Radar.

As soon as the ear splitting noise died down from my head, I heard other angels on the radio. _Dean Winchester is lost… It's Castiel…_

Angel voices drowned in my head until I couldn't take it anymore. My hand reached out for Sam's shoulder, and the other onto Dean's cheek. My shaking hands shocked at the touch of his skin but I took a deep breath and wiped some blood from between his eyebrows.

That night, Garth drove the Impala back to the bunker, with Sam in the passenger seat, staring blankly ahead. I sat in the back, holding Dean from moving to much in the back seat.

I remember setting the limp body on the gasoline doused pile of branches and I had to help Sam light the match. He dropped it three times before getting it right. The smoke twirled in the forest branches above and hazed the bright lights of the stars.

Garth promised to put out the fire soon while I led Sam to his room. He allowed himself to follow blindly through the bunker maze.

"Cas." He said, right before he shut the door to his room. "It's going to be okay. He did too. He…" Sam disappeared through the threshold without finishing his sentence.

**A/N: One more wrap up chapter and then it's over. Sorry for not posting lately, I have been really flipping busy. Have a good one!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: alright. This is the end here. Enjoy this piece of crap I'm working on. Well, finishing on… It's been a good one. Love all you readers and stuff like that!**

Cas's POV:

"_It's the last time, Sam. He's ready to go."_

_ "No, Cas. I have to. It's what he would do for me."_

_ "No he wouldn't. Because I would talk him out of it. Just like I am doing for you. Sam please stop. He's in a better place. Dean doesn't want to come back. Please."_

_ "Cas you have been human for a few months. I have been human for a few years. You don't know what you're talking about."_

_*End of flashback*_

Cas shook his head out as he boarded the train bound for a small town in Minnesota. He was supposed to meet an angel. A brethren, to talk about the future of heaven. But his only intention is to get grace.

It was a few hours to Minnesota so he leaned his forehead on the window. He forced himself to breath out instead of hold everything inside.

Sam promised him he wouldn't do anything stupid. He talked him off the ledge of selling his soul, but Cas hadn't talked himself down yet. He missed Dean so much. He was craving to hear what he couldn't get out in his last few moments.

Dare he think about it in public? A women and child moved seats next to him but he could only focus on wondering whether Dean loved him the way Cas did for him.

He wasn't proud of what he was about to do.

The meeting place was in a small alley between a closed hair salon and a quiet bar. Cas stood behind a dumpster and tried to get the upcoming guilt to wash out through his fingertips.

The flutter of wings whispered down the brick walls and a figure appeared behind him.

"Castiel." The vessel said. "You wanted to meet with me."

Cas planted his feet in the ground before jumping the angel. He lunged with the blade and sliced a deep cut in his throat. A wisp of grace trembled out of the wound and Cas felt his old power build him up.

He felt his true form stretch, and his wings seemed to unfold from being cramped in his back.

The vessel crumpled to the ground and fell on his side.

"I'm sorry." Castiel said before stepping out of the alley way and kicking at a stone on the ground. The strength pulsed everywhere in his body but he still thought about Dean.

He picked up a quarter by the curb and entered the pub. He found a near payphone by the restrooms and slotted the coin in the slot. He dialed Sam's number. A groggy voice answered.

"Cas?"

"I just wanted to call and say that I'm leaving for heaven."

"What?" Sam shuffled on the other line.

"I'm going to find Dean." Cas let the line slip out of his hand and dangle on the cord. He heard Sam's frantic voice on the other side screaming through the little speaker.

"Cas, Cas, where are you. I'm on my way. Cas!" His little voice peeped as I got farther away. I was halfway across the bar when a man leaning on a pool table called over to me.

"Hey, Castiel." The voice hit me square in the chest and I felt my knees weaken.

"Dean-… What-" I stuttered.

And there he was. Dean Winchester was standing in front of me, the glow of his presence reaching the tips of my fingers.

"You can actually see me?"

"Of course I can!" He screamed. The bar tendered looked curiously up from the counter. In a quieter voice, Cas was able to regain himself. "Am I dead?"

Dean chuckled and his form flickered. "No, you are very much alive. Looks like you got some grace though." Dean said the last part in a disappointed tone. "So are you going to buy me a drink?"

"Why are you not in heaven?" Cas tilted his head, trying to understand. "We burned your body… You should be in peace."

"I'm a ghost-ever since I died. Haven't gotten the hang of it yet though…" Dean brushed a hand across his face.

"If you are a ghost, what are you linked to?" Cas asked. Dean didn't seem keen to answer and instead leaned against the pool table and watched the gears in the angel's head turn and grind. "The impala… But the impala is at the bunker." Dean's favorite gun was with Sam. His leather jacket was hanging in the bunker. Yet Dean was here, far away from the bunker and Sam.

"It's not any of those." Dean said and Cas slumped into the nearest chair. He tugged at the seems of his jacket. "I miss my baby, but it's not her. It's you. It's you, Cas."

"Me?" Cas looked up at Dean, his form thin like a hologram.

"I'm attached to you." Dean reached out to grab Cas's hand. It went through like syrup. "For the last three months I have been following you around." Cas's smile was warm.

"I guess I don't need to know what you were going to say then…"

"Hmm?"

"Right before you died.." Cas gulped and tried to stroke his thumb on Dean's palm. "Right before you died I asked you if you loved me the same as I did you."

"I never did finish that sentence, did I?" Dean sat back and put his hands behind his head with a mischievous grin.

"Can I take you to heaven?" Cas asked.

"I would like that." Dean said, a small tear ghosted down his cheek.

*OFFICIAL PAGE BREAK*

Cas opened his eyes and suddenly Dean and him were standing in the middle of a backyard. Dean looked around with a gleam in his eyes.

"Cas is this-?" He turned around and Cas looked at the back of his strong shoulders.

"Yes. Heaven." Cas said and gripped Dean's arm. The man looked at him over his shoulder, with sudden tears in his eyes.

"Dean!" A woman's voice called from the back porch. Dean choked, smiled, and stopped breathing at the same time as we both looked to the house. "Come inside. I made apple pie, your favorite!"

"Mom?" He whispered under his breath.

"Yeah, come on." The woman with her golden hair flipped over one shoulder wiped her hands on her apron and went back in the house. She came back with a baby in her arms. Tiny little hands reached up and tangled in her hair.

"Sammy!" He cried and took a step towards his mother. She smiled down at him from afar and started chastising him about dirt on his face.

"Goodbye stranger." Cas said as he watched Dean run up the porch steps and follow his mother in the house. He turned at the last second, the childish look and tears plastered on his face. He smiled quietly and held a hand up and said something I couldn't hear.

"See you then."

**A/N: Well, I just finished twist and shout the other day and I think I dropped a few references in there. But whatever. I think the end was good, but you need to let me know!**

**I just wanted to thank:**

**Lendexial**

**For reviewing! Thanks you awesome person :D**

**Have a good life and I hope someone enjoyed this.**


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